I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Randomize
