i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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