I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
