The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
