She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
