Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I got inside last night via doggy door
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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