Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Randomize