Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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