If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
