So drunk its hurt
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
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He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
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You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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