How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
