you guys were way drunker than both of me
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
