I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
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We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
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Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
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