Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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