just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
