i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
