i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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