there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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