i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Randomize
