So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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