I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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