i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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