My liver just broke up with me...
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
