saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
