does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
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