It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
