Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
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