I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize