I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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