She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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