Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
