If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
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