Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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