my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
