Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
whose ass print is on the piano?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
