Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
You don't make any sense
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