She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize