Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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