that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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