They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
