This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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