Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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