she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
