I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Randomize
