Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
