I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
