Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Randomize
