Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
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