you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
