he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
