im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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