If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
