Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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