I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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