i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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