remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
