In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
