Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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