i wish starbucks made bloody marys
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
