I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
