MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
