i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
