I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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