Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
