I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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