im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
