Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
We're too hungover to prance.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
