I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
