whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
