god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
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i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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