What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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