is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
So much Jack, so little girl.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
