If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
