Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize