everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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