We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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